Guys….this dress. This dress! As soon as I put it on I felt like I had let out my alter ego, who is much more sassy and flirty than my usual self. I basically walked around looking like the heart-eyed emoji while wearing Kiyonna’s Whimsy Wrap Dress.

It’s not often that I find a dress that fits my shape so well. I’m what most plus size companies would consider as “pear shaped”, but I tend to think of myself as slightly Yoshi-esque since my backside sits out like a shelf. The weight of the fabric, the location of the wrap, and the flirty hem all came together to make a wonderful fit for me.

I paired the dress with Nine West Outlet gold jeweled sandals, this beautiful cuff bracelet from asos, and jade green earrings (seen in first image)

Something that I love about being in Kiyonna’s Blogger Brigade is how much they really want the customer to see their designs on lots of different sizes, shapes, etc. You can see other women wearing this dress in the right hand set of images on the product’s page here.

What do you think of the look? How would you style this dress?

Last weekend my sisters and my soon-to-be sister headed up the mountains in North Carolina for a day-long getaway. It was one of those rare, perfect summer days where it was warm but not humid, and we spent it visiting the little town where I went to college and driving briefly along the Blue Ridge Parkway. I wore Igigi‘s Kaia Halter maxi dress in Cobalt Cachemire, which was perfectly light and airy. I had already worn this dress to work earlier in the week with a jean jacket and received 2 compliments from strangers I passed, and I received another while walking around Boone. It’s definitely an eye-catching dress, and I always think a dress is pretty special when even strangers will stop you to tell you how much they like it.

The dress has a waist band with some elastic within the fabric. The teal accents actually do not gather the waist band tighter, so they are there only for the look of the design. I love how the top can be worn without being tied/bowed.

As you’ll notice in the pictures above and below, the hem of the dress is intentionally uneven. The dress is cut in curves, and I’ve had a few maxis with slits, but not one like this. It took a day of wearing it to get used to the feeling of the hem against my legs. When you walk, the dress moves and flows around you. It’s quite pretty, and it made me think of a quote from Project Runway that I heard the other day: “My girl is into dramatic daywear” – this is definitely that!

There are quite a few other looks from Igigi’s collection that I love, especially the Emma Maxi Shirt Dress and the Eden Pant – even better, their sizes range up to a 30/32. Check out their Bohemian Rhapsody lookbook here to see the designs. You can also check out my instagram for some pictures of me and my sisters.

What piece from the Bohemian Rhapsody collection is your favorite? 

*This dress was gifted to me for the purpose of a review. I have expressed my true opinions of and experience with the dress.

So this photo and its humity-induced soft focus is pretty representative of how I am feeling about my blog. Ever since I graduated from my grad program, I’ve been hobbling along and only posting here or there. I know enough people who blogged two years ago who still do now to not feel completely isolated in the blogosphere, but I also feel out of touch, and it’s of my own doing.

Being a teacher isn’t an easy thing for me. It’s something I have to work at, and I really, really, really want to be the kind of teacher that I loved and wanted, so I put a lot of time and thought into it. Lots of people have time or energy consuming jobs, but I’m still trying to figure out the balance for me. I also am still, 2 years in, trying to find my style in the work world, and sometimes it’s just not as fun as when I was a student.

All of this leads me to ask myself what to do. I love this blog and what I have learned about myself and others throughout my time writing it, but I also don’t like how half-assed it seems to have been these past 2 years compared to before. I’m searching for clarity. What will this blog be now? How will it reflect the ways that I have changed?

ASOS Curve dress, Aldo handbag, Forever21 heels

I’m not planning to stop writing/posting here any time soon. I’m just wondering…how do I make my personal fashion blog feel, well, personal again? Hmmm.. still thinking.

Well the school year started on Monday, and so far I’m enjoying my classes. My first week isn’t stressful to teach, but for some reason (anxiety and lack of sleep most likely) I am always incredibly exhausted. I’m currently staring down a messy apartment and giving Lola a stink eye for tearing apart TWO  toys and adding to my own mess. I also am a bit more disorganized with my clothing than I’d like to admit (as in I still have unpacked it all), so I’m hoping to make a lot of productive strides this next week that will make blogging a little easier to me.

By the way, I really appreciate all of the supportive comments on my last post. I think I feel like I’m letting this little space down by not being as regular of a blogger as I used to be, but it sounds to me like you all are good with me being a little not-flowy with publishing my blog posts. Ultimately, I’d love to get back to blogging like I used to, but maybe it’s going to take me not feel crushed by my own expectations to get there.

Yesterday I went to my Aunt Kim’s birthday party, and I knew it’d be an inside/outside party. It was in the evening, so I thought cropped pants and a flowy top would work best. I left the house with straight hair, so after you see the pictures I’ll let you imagine how humid it was :). I stepped away from the party to take pictures in my Aunt Jacki’s home. Her home has so many interesting things in it, and you can get a glimpse of my maternal grandma and grandpa behind me in the pic below.

I’m wearing Kiyonna’s Promenade top in Porcelain. It’s slightly off-white and a little sheer at the top. I wore a cheap tank top underneath it, but if you have a v-neck tank or undershirt, it would work even better than the one I had.

I liked that the top had a very easy style. I could have worn a wide mix of bottoms and accessories. This is the first time I wore an elevated shoe all summer. I’m definitely out of practice, but I recently got some boots for fall/winter that I’ll share on a post soon that will help me get used to it again.

Kiyonna Top* Gifted for Blogger Brigade purposes, Torrid Jeggings (rolled) Avenue Wedges (2+ years old), Forever21 Necklace (similar)

How would you style this top?

A little fashion…

I’m not on Twitter as much as I used to be, so sometimes I’m not as clued into the plus size fashion happenings as I used to be, but thankfully I follow lots of “in the know” bloggers who share great content, especially The Curvy Fashionista’s Facebook page. I saw on her page a link to a blogger/brand collaboration between P.S. It’s Fashion and Fame and Partners. The collection spans sizes 16-26 and offers special occasion wear. I’m really loving some of the designs, and I think the price point is on par with quality special occasion wear. My favorite is the Maya dress, but you can check out the full collection here.

Maya Dress

Another interesting thing I saw this week was DearKates.com‘s feature of women in the tech field in their Ada collection lookbook. One of the women featured is Sarah Conley of Styleitonline.com (see her post here), and I absolutely loved seeing someone near my size/shape featured in such an intimate setting. I’ve admired Sarah as a blogger for awhile, so it is also just really cool when you see someone you kinda know in these things. Apparently some people feel that the lookbook sexualizes women in the tech field, and I guess that means that sexual women in that field can’t also be seen as great workers (?!), but I found the lookbook fresh and exciting. As I said to Sarah, my read of it was that women can be powerful, confident, smart, intimate, and vulnerable. We can be all of those together, at the same time, and one doesn’t take away from the other.

By the way, I own their Rosa brief in a 3x, and it is a great product (fits up to a 26/28).

A little reading…

I’ve also been reading a lot of things to potentially use in my class, especially writing that comes out of personally-motivated inquiry. “The Strange and Curious Tale of the Last True Hermit” was a really interesting read. My class looks at identity and how we use language to form the self, manage the self, etc. We also consider who we are recognized as and probe at how that recognition forms identity. So much of my life is connecting to others that I have a hard time thinking about going 2+ days alone, let alone decades alone. It made me think about my class subject in a new way.

“I did examine myself,” he said. “Solitude did increase my perception. But here’s the tricky thing—when I applied my increased perception to myself, I lost my identity. With no audience, no one to perform for, I was just there. There was no need to define myself; I became irrelevant. The moon was the minute hand, the seasons the hour hand. I didn’t even have a name. I never felt lonely. To put it romantically: I was completely free.”

A little teaching…

This week my classes are also thinking about the stories we associate with ourselves (those we tell or are told) and how places are connected to identity. We read this piece about how places are connected to our sense of self. It reminded me of the poem “Where I’m From” by George Ella Lyon. It’s a poem that is often imitated, and I had a chance to go back and look over the version I wrote in 2008. It’s fun to think about how my sense of place has changed over the years. How now at 26 I associate “Where I’m From” with other things (now probably more things that have happened in my adult years rather than only my childhood).

Here’s the version I wrote in 2008:

I am from rubber,

From weather-stripping and classic cars,

I am from the wooden dock,

(splintery, worn

it creaked beneath my feet.)

I am from the daffodils,

the paper tree

whose bark I peeled off

to become

secret notes for my sister.

I’m from skip-bo and the Droulliard nose,

from Evelyn and Giuseppa.

I’m from the laugh-too-louds,

and the speak-up-to-be-heard,

from the good old days and quit picking on your brother.

I’m from Mass on Christmas,

then never again

waiting for answers, but afraid to search.

I’m from Lincolnton and the Grammaticos,

lasagna and no-bake cookies.

From the years of my mother being

a caretaker

my grandma’s stroke that started it all.

In the basement is my plastic box

birthday cards, letters

old school yearbooks,

news articles of my deceased dear friend.

Each piece makes up my limbs-

A medley of people who’ve changed me-

Supporting me as I walk on.

What have you been reading and thinking about this week?

The nice thing about being a teacher is that every start of the fall season has that same excitement that I had since I was a little kid going to elementary school. I love beginnings. I love school. Now it just looks a little different, and I’m forgoing the brightly colored folders for office decorations and figuring out my teaching style.

I started adding to my school wardrobe in July, and I recently added some more pieces with these Labor Day sales. You don’t realize what colors you are oriented toward until you put it all together. I’m obviously geared toward blues, pinkish corals, and black. I’m enjoying prints as well. Although I will never solely wear black, grays, and white, I do find that those pieces work really well for my work wear, and allow me to play around with accessories and make up instead. I’ve complained in the past that I struggle with my style in the office, so I’m pretty excited that I’m beginning to find pieces that work for me. One thing you’ll notice is a lack of pants/bottoms. I still swear by my ASOS Curve jersey pencil skirts, Torrid jeggings (in black and denim), and my new Lena fit pants from Lane Bryant. I also have some colored pants from Old Navy that isn’t carried right now.

I was able to get the two Lane Bryant jackets for BOGO free. It was a great deal, and both jackets are incredibly well made. I also love both of the graphic tanks. I bought the palm tree top in person, and I don’t think that I would have been pulled to it online, but the trim has a sporty look to it, and the fabric lays really well. I’m loving longer cardigans for fall. The blue and black are great starter pieces, but I’m hoping to add in some printed cardigans over the next few months.

What pieces are you adding for your fall/winter wardrobe? What trends/colors are grabbing you?

P.S. A lot of these stores have sales going on through today, so if you click on the item I think you will be taken to those items.

Igigi let me select a few pieces of their Urban Jungle collection to try out and review. I was immediately drawn to the Lark Wrap Top in Emerald Escape, so they recommended the Olivia skirt and the Tabitha blazer to go with it. I love when I get to review a company that has a size range that I can get behind (Igigi goes up to a US 30/32!), and it’s extremely nice to be able to size up if I want! I definitely picked the right sizes for my top and skirt (both 26/28), but I should have gone down one size in the jacket (I ordered a 28). Below are a couple different ways that I styled these pieces.

The blazer is a softer, stretchier fabric than I imagined. In fact, the cuffs have elastics, so it’s easy to make this a more casual style.

I don’t have many tops with this kind of wrap style, and what I noticed is that the fabric can be a little overwhelming on my body shape. A simple belt let me break up the print and add more shape.

The skirt fit perfectly and did not cling to my stomach like some pencil skirts are prone to do. It ended up being my favorite piece. I have it pulled up to my high waist, so I could lower it any time for a different style.

What do you think of this look? Check out Igigi’s Urban Jungle collection and let me know your favorite pieces.

Let’s just call this a surge of feelings prompted by the following:

and I kind of dislike my voice, so here’s me being all vulnerable..

I’ve gotten to work with Kiyonna many times over the last year, but, when they told me about their campaign for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I was really excited to share with you what they are doing and what you can do to participate in raising awareness and money for a breast cancer foundation of Kiyonna’s choice. One in 1,000 men and 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime, and Kiyonna, with the help of you, wants to spread the word and help to find a cure.

For the entire month of October, Kiyonna is selling a Pretty in Pink option of their Sunset Stroll Bellini where 100% of their proceeds (75% of wholesale sales) go to an accredited breast cancer foundation. Along with the bellini proceeds, Kiyonna wants to spread the word by using the hashtags #ShowYourPink and #KiyonnaGives. Their goal is to have women across the country show their pink, whether it be their bellini or their other favorite pink fashion piece on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.  At the end of the month Kiyonna will research the hashtag and donate $1 for every participating #ShowYourPink that includes #KiyonnaGives.

I’ve taken some pictures with Kiyonna’s Pretty in Pink Sunset Stroll Bellini, and I’ll be tagging my photos/tweets and retweeting/reposting those of you I see in my feed participating in the hashtags. I hope you will join me in raising money and awareness for this cause!

Thank you, Brittany, for taking my pictures! Lola says you’re the best, too :)

• Sunset Stroll Bellini promotion is valid from 10/1/14 to 10/31/14.  Kiyonna Clothing will donate 100% of proceeds from the Pretty in Pink Sunset Stroll Bellini retail sales (and 75% of wholesale sales) to an accredited breast cancer foundation of their choice.

• #ShowYourPink promotion is valid from 10/1/14 to 10/31/14.  Kiyonna Clothing will donate $1.00 for every Facebook, Instragram or Twitter post that includes a picture of something pink that represents fashion and/or breast cancer with the following hashtags (#ShowYourPink and #KiyonnaGives) with a cap of $5,000.00.  Picture must be tasteful and relevant to the cause in order to be eligible for donation.

Last night was my sister, Katie’s, annual anniversary bonfire. Her and her husband were celebrating 9 years married together (woot!). Never to miss a fashion moment, I pulled out my go-to fall outfit. I seriously wear some version of this 2 (*cough* 3) times a week. I also got to use two of my newest items, boots that actually zip all the way up and a new winter coat.

I purchased this H&M sweater a couple of weeks ago and realized the first time I wore it that it was the perfect fall sweater. The fabric is so soft, and it drapes and skims, which is what I like in the fall. I was going to buy another copy of this, but it sold out fast. I also purchased this scarf from H&M (not offered online, similar here). Again, the fabric is incredibly soft, and it’s long enough for me to knot and wear in many different ways.

I’ve been wearing Torrid’s jeggings since I got to try a pair at FFFWeek years ago, and I’ve always worn their regular length that hit me below my ankle. I finally decided to invest in the short length jeggings, and they fit perfectly, hitting right at the ankle. I also invested in boots, and let’s just say I didn’t have high hopes. Almost every “wide width” boot is not wide enough for me. I looked into Simply Be’s offerings and it seemed like I just fit into their size chart. When you purchase boots there, make sure you look at the calf sizes (curvy plus, etc) and the amount of E’s. I went with this style, and they do fit well. I’ve only worn them once, and I noticed that with driving and walking around they shimmied down and made the ankle area baggy. I’m hoping to figure out how to fix this soon, but if that’s my only problem then I can handle it.

I also recently purchased this Anorak jacket from Torrid with a Haute Cash coupon code. Without the code, the jacket is a bit pricey, but it is very well made and warm for winter. I could see myself using this even in really cold weather because it is lined with sherpa fabric. I love the faux-leather details, especially the shoulders and elbow patches, and you can remove the hood (yay for versatility!). My cousin Blythe and soon-to-be sister-in-law Brittany got in on the photo session as well.

What’s been your fall go-to outfit so far? 

Oh, hey! Remember me? I’ve come out of my cave for this wonderful thing called summer, and I thought I’d come back to my blog and start showing you my favorite things I’m wearing this season. I’m noticing already that I am attracted to clothing that shows off my shoulders: strapless dresses, maxis with racer backs, and lots and lots of Bardot/off the shoulder tops. This can only lead to one thing: freckled shoulders.

Today’s look is very relaxed. Something casual that works for going shopping, meeting with friends, or possibly even work, depending on the dress expectations. I wore this out to go to Target and to do some work at Starbucks. I started with just the top, jeans, and sandals, but I ran across this necklace at Target and added it to the outfit.

I’ve noticed that since I’ve slowed down on blogging, my style has gotten even simpler, especially when it is hot, so a 4-piece outfit is perfect for me. Instead of accessorizing my outfit a lot, I’ve been messing around with make-up more, not that you can tell much in these pictures(!). The next thing I want to tackle is learning some more hairstyles that I can easily do, especially casual up-dos.

PinkClove Top, Torrid Jeans, Target Sandals (similar), Target Necklace

A little update on life: I’m still enjoying apartment life. I’ve just begun really enjoying living alone, but I think it’s because I’m on break and social life is easy again. No worries, though, because my cousin is moving in with me on July 1st, so there will be a whole new adventure for both of us (and a cat companion for Lola!). Teaching at the university has been great, and I was given a longer contract to continue teaching there. I also took a class this past semester to get back into research and figure out if I want to keep furthering my education (maybe in a few years?), and I’m doing a 3-week institute with the National Writing Project this summer. I’ve started a blog that will be all about writing stuff for NWP, so you can check that out here. Next year my teaching load decreases (only 2 classes), and I’ll step into a leadership role that helps run our university’s writing center (tutoring center). I’m excited, but I also think I like to punish myself a bit — I seem to never let myself get comfortable before I take on something new, but I guess that’s half the fun :). I’m going to try to keep updating my blog, but I am best at keeping Instagram up, so check it out if you also have an account.

What are you loving to wear this summer? 

In my last post I talked about how much I was into the Bardot/off the shoulder tops, and I found myself, yet again, wearing one out today. When you like something, you just like it, ya know? I’ll take a cue from my shopping bag: If you love it, keep it. I wore this to meet up with a friend for dinner and a little shopping, and she snapped a couple pics outside of the mall.

This top is one of three Bardot tops that I ordered from ASOS, and the only one that I ended up keeping. I love the cuffs and how they make the top more dressy. The fabric is flowy and light, but it isn’t very breathable, so I’m reserving this one for cooler days or nights out.

My earrings are from a local store called The Jewel Box. They specialize in simple jewelry, monogrammed items (southerners love their monogrammed things), and Pandora bracelets, and their prices are always great. I think these earrings were under $8.

Flowy top from ASOS, Dark Rinse* jeans from Torrid, Sandals from Nine West Outlet (similar), and earrings from The Jewel Box.

*My last post featured Torrid’s “Dark Wash” jeggings, and these are the “Dark Rinse”. They have very similar names, but this style is darker and does not have any shading/color differences in the style.

For those wondering about the Loft bag, I picked up two metal headbands and a springy/summery scarf, all for under $15. Love a good bargain find :).

What are some of your love, keep styles?

On Thursday my sister Katie and I headed out to Virginia Beach for a mini-vacation and my friend Courtney’s wedding. As soon as we got to our hotel, we put our swimsuits on and headed out to the beach. From talking to various plus size women, it seems like swimsuits are one of the harder types of clothing to find and suggest, and I think it’s because they really are so individual to our bodies. Even within a specific brand, one swimsuit can fit me well and one will not fit me at all. Some advice that often gets said is “try everything on – even items not in the plus size section”, and I’ve been known to roll my eyes a time or two at that saying because it may work for smaller plus sizes but often doesn’t for me — well swimsuits are one area where the “try EVERYTHING” method works well for me. In one of the plus size groups I’m involved in, people were talking about wearing bras under swimsuits, and I think that’s a possibility too, especially for those who are very top heavy. Do what makes you feel secure and comfortable.

For me, that was wearing a swim top from Target’s maternity line. Yes, maternity line. They are cut with snugger support in the chest and more room in the hips/tummy – perfect for my shape. A couple weeks ago, I couldn’t find my higher waist bottoms, so I wore shapewear bottoms from Catherines that do not fit tight. I ended up liking them better, and they are swim-ish material, so I wore those as bottoms. So yea, this is like the Frankenstein of swimsuit outfits but it works perfectly for me.

Swim top: Target & Shapewear bottoms: Catherines

That night we headed out for a quick dinner. I wore a really basic outfit with a black high neck tank from Old Navy, Torrid jeans, Nine West Outlet sandals, and BaubleBar earrings.

The next morning we woke up and had breakfast along the beach and boardwalk. Mimosa + Eggs Benedict = Amazing!

Saturday evening we headed out to Courtney’s wedding. I felt the need to document my hair and make up because I knew the heat and humidity would ruin it all haha :). I wasn’t wrong!

The ceremony was beautiful. I haven’t seen Courtney in 2-3 years, so it was really a treat to hear her voice again and see her.

I wore an H&M maxi dress, which I super love.

Overall, it was a wonderful (but short) getaway, and it was even more special because it was spent with my sister :)

A couple months ago I ordered Kiyonna’s Uptown Faux Wrap Skirt in black and white, and I received it right before I went to the beach with my sister. When I say right before, I mean it. I brought the package unopened on the trip and figured I’d try them on at the beach. As soon as I put them on, I was so very impressed. Usually body-hugging skirts will be too-body-hugging for me to want to wear them, but it felt like this skirt was made for my body, and the fabric was both thick enough to lay nicely while also stretchy enough to conform to my shape. For this post, I went with more casual looks, but like most of Kiyonna’s clothing, this piece can be dressed up or down depending on the occasion.

Worn with an Old Navy print tank, Old Navy tote bag, and Target sandals

Worn with an Old Navy chambray top and Target sandals

Rating of Kiyonna’s Uptown Faux Wrap Skirt: Two thumbs up! It is lined, and it hid my tucked in black tank top. The material is very comfortable, so sitting, standing, walking, etc. will not be an issue. I personally love the folds and lines of the faux wrap.

P.S. Kiyonna is celebrating turning 19 for the month of August. Get 25% off your order with the code CANDLES25. Code not valid on certain items (see their website for details).

How would you wear this skirt?

If you’ve worn it differently and have it up on instagram or a blog, link it in the comments :)

*I purchased this skirt on my own, but I am still part of Kiyonna’s Blogger Brigade, so you may or may not see these pictures on their website and social media. All opinions are my own.

Last night I posted on Instagram that I had gone a wee bit overboard with purchasing new items from Eloquii. I’ve been checking them out since their relaunch, and I was really happy to see that they began extending their size range from 14-24 to 14-28 in select styles. I wasn’t in the market, at the time, to get those items though. I also was a little apprehensive about the sizing. Since I wear their new top size, I figured that the items would most likely be too small. I don’t know why I thought this… I guess because finding items that fit at Lane Bryant was even an issue, so I assumed a new(er) brand would fit even worse. First they came out with skirts and pants, but now they’ve started offering more types of items and styles.

I decided to try out a skirt and a dress at first. When those fit really well, I went for other tops, pants, and jackets. I think I bought maybe 10-12 pieces in the span of 2 weeks, which is a lot, but I also got them at really good prices (around 40-50% off of each item). Eloquii has the best sales, so keep an eye out for them. Anyway, long story short: people expressed that they’d like to hear more about the fit of the extended sizes. Like I was, they were nervous to try them out, so here are a few items that I purchased and my thoughts on the fit.

A note about my shape: I’m 5’4″ with a pretty long torso compared to my legs. I carry the majority if my weight in my lower abdomen, hips, and backside. I also have large arms that make fitting into some tops hard.

Textured Strip Fit and Flare Dress

I feel like this dress looks much better in person than it does in this photo. I really like the shape and material of this dress. It’s a good medium weight with plenty of stretch. It hits me below the knee. The waist is dropped lower than most other dresses that I have, so I like that it is a different shape for me. For people taller, the line might hit them at the upper waistline. I see this as a great dress for work, so the high neckline is a plus. I plan on playing around with jackets, sweaters, and belts for different looks with this dress.

Kady Fit Pant in Black Forest

I really love the fall colors they are putting out with this fit. I got this color, which is a beautiful deep blue-green, and the Merlot. In the extended sizes, Eloquii only offers this pant in their regular inseam. If you are size 14-24, they offer petites and talls. The inseam works well for me, but I am 5’4″. I could imagine that this would be short on taller people. I am using up the entire width of the pant though, so if you are smaller than me then it might lay differently. Fitwise, the legs fit me perfectly, but the waist, right at the closure, was a little tight. The fabric does have some stretch, so I was able to still wear them. I might have to reinforce the button because they are a little tight. As you can see in my side pic though, I’m at my widest at the closure, so it makes sense that it’s tighter there.

Classic Faux Leather Moto Jacket in Wine

With this piece worn open, it’s almost a little big on me, mostly because there is extra room in the shoulders and arms. I do like it a lot though, and once I’m wearing sweaters and bulkier clothing, I’ll be happy for the extra room. I like how high quality this piece it. The sleeves have zippers at the wrist, so I unzipped those and rolled up the sleeves. Rolled down, the sleeves are a little long on me, which is very typical for how items fit me. 

Printed Full Midi Skirt and Empire Flare Top

I promise I have legs under that skirt. I also promise that it hits me right below the knees. Besides the bad angle, I really like this skirt! I could have probably sized down once, and I’m finding that might be the case for most of their skirts (I have another on the way, so I’ll see then). Because this skirt is not form-fitting, you’re really trying to size it to wear it will sit on your body. Since it’s on my waist, I could go down one, but this still works too. The fabric on the skirt will keep its shape and not wrinkle. It has has a good bit of stretch. Definitely a comfortable piece!

The top is a style that I would wear to work. The sleeves sit on a weird part of my arm, but they are meant to be 3/4. Again, with sleeves mostly running too long on me, this makes sense. I might have it altered. This top felt like it was made for the shape of my body. I appreciate tops that have more space around the hip area :).
Ponte Faux Leather Peplum Top

I was worried that this top’s sleeves would be too short, but they fit all right. For the most part I like the fit of this top. Next time I would wear it with jeans that had a higher rise so that my waistband wouldn’t create a crease. I’d also like another inch or two on the hem so that if this top rides up then it will look okay. This top along with the dress shows me that my waistline is a little higher than their fit.

Overall, I’m excited to have another option for finding items that fit (and fit well!). I feel like my work wardrobe is already much better just for the options that the Kady pant offers. Good bye days of only wearing black or gray pants! 

Have any of you tried Eloquii in the extended sizes? If you have a different shape or height than me, it’d be great to hear about your experience with their items!

This weekend was my brother’s wedding, and he married the wonderful Brittany, who you may recognize because she came with me to FFFWeek back in 2013. It was a really exciting weekend, and we had been looking forward to these events for months. I probably (most definitely) had been worrying about what to wear to both the rehearsal dinner and wedding a little too much, but the weekend came and all went well. I’ll have to discuss shopping for a dress in another post because as much as we like to think plus size fashion has gotten so much more accessible, shopping size 24+ is still an overwhelmingly frustrating experience.

But! Back to the good stuff :) 

My sister Katie put in so much time decorating and setting up for the rehearsal dinner, which was held in my parents’ back yard. It was beautiful! She painted jars, set up candle displays, made bouquets. and set up a loving mood.

I had originally planned to wear an olive green dress from ASOS, but I wasn’t completely happy with the dress, so I decided to keep looking. A couple days before the rehearsal dinner, I decided to check out Dillards at my local mall. I don’t think I’ve ever shopped there before. I imagined it to be like Kohl’s, but it’s definitely not. I was really impressed with how many semi-formal options they had, and how large of a space their plus size selection was housed in. I ended up finding this sparkly Jessica Howard dress that is 100x better in person than through pictures. I had to laugh because the dress was a size 22, and I must have tried on 10+ dresses in a size 24 that didn’t fit. I had given up on finding anything in store when I spotted this number, and it was on super-sale for $35!

I finished the look with gray wedges from Target and earrings and a bracelet from Charming Charlies.

My sister Katie and brother-in-law Brandon

Brittany and me

The whole gang of Agosta siblings and spouses.

P.S. I’m officially the only one (out of 4 total) of my siblings who is still single and unmarried. Do I win an award? I should get something for always ending up on the end of the table or the end of pictures ;)

I’ll share picture from the wedding soon, and will continue to blog sporadically on here. Thanks for checking in every couple months!

Wooohooo! Wedding day post! Not mine, of course, because I am perpetually single, but my brother and Brittany’s! This day was so perfect. A week and a half prior we were having non-stop rain, so the glorious sun and slightly chilled autumn air felt truly magical. The wedding was at an outdoor venue, and was decorated beautifully. Everyone was in a good mood (which for my family is sometimes hard :-p), and the bride and groom’s joy was palpable.

Figuring out what to wear to an evening, outdoor wedding of your sibling is a little complicated (or maybe I just made it that way). I knew it would be cool/cold, so I wanted long sleeves and a long length, not so easy to find! So many dresses in plus sizes are sleeveless, and it was hard to find a long dress that wasn’t styled like a summer-time maxi dress. I found a dress through ASOS, but it hugged my stomach. I went back and forth about wearing it because, while I liked the dress and felt good in it, the idea of seeing so many people from high school and having formal pictures taken reared my insecurity’s ugly head for weeks. Let’s just say that 5 years later with blogging about my body size and fashion, I’m realizing that body acceptance is constant work and practice for me. I finally just went for it. I liked the style and the color, and I was going to have to just get over the fact that it hugged my stomach and that it would show in pictures.

I was right. It did hug my stomach, especially in pictures, but I also felt awesome and confident in it all night. My confidence made the night fun and memorable. I danced, I played off awkward moments well, I talked to people I hadn’t seen in years and people that I just met, and I was able to forget my insecurity enough to put the attention where it needed to be: Danny, Brittany, family, and friends.

My cousin, Blythe, and me – She’s now my roomie!

This moment was one where you are forced to recognize how adult your little brother is. I’m really proud of the man he is and how he values Brittany as a partner.

Mom and me

Dress from ASOS and necklace from Charming Charlie

Sister Katie and me

I mean, look at my brother’s smile :). So happy for them both. Love you, Danny and Brittany!

Today I’m attending an academic conference about writing, so I decided on a professional but fun dress by Anna Scholz for Simply Be. 

What are you wearing today? 

Content warning: In this post I discuss my history with dating, mine and other’s ways of seeing fat bodies, and assumptions and beliefs I held and hold about dating. My narrative here implies relationships are heterosexual and monogamous, which is just the way I envision and have my personal romantic relationships. I know that romantic relationships can be structured and experienced in multiple ways, so I wanted to warn about my limited discussion here.

Most people have entered the dating world long before 27, and I suppose I had my few experiences talking to and “dating” a few people throughout my late teens and early twenties. It wasn’t until late into my 27^th year, though, that I met someone that I actually dated, someone who I talked to every day, saw multiple times a week, and formed a relationship with.

Dating and romantic relationships have had a complicated history with me. They always felt like work, and the not enjoyable kind at that. When I was younger, most guys I met in person who I liked were also liked by plenty of other girls, and they often found someone else more attractive than me. The rare guy that did throw attention my way did so behind closed doors – or in the safety of the internet. I never had the experience when I was young of being pursued by someone publicly with others knowing that he liked me. To be honest, that situation really messed me up. It drove home a lot of messages about desirability that I fully blamed on my body, not considering other things that also likely affected the way I was treated or seen. Having relationships that were secretive or never actually amounted to anything kept me safe in some ways, because I didn’t act on much, but it also made me feel intense shame.

To be fair, I think a lot of it was my body. I didn’t meet many guys at 18 who were into bigger girls, again, at least in public. Body positive spaces didn’t exist in my world, and there was a lot of cultural pressure to date certain kinds of people and to value certain kinds of beauty. Not like now (not that all of that has changed). Now it’s much easier to meet interested men. I started online dating when I was a senior in high school. I met one guy, C., who I went on a date with and felt enamored by – he was much older than me – only to have him “friend” some of my friends he met on MySpace (oh—MySpace) and message them privately. I had a big complex about this. I felt that my friends were 100x prettier, more interesting, better flirters than me. It actually took a long time for me to think I had something worth offering someone. I don’t think this is a rare story for women, and it just so happens that it’s also my story.

(high school prom my junior year)

In college I also attempted online dating. I had a string of bad first dates, lost hope, went on a couple casual dates with a guy in my science class, was told I was “too northern” for him, so that ended. I really lost hope. In high school I thought that I would be engaged or in a serious relationship when I left college. I honestly had some idea in my head that this was the place that people met their husbands (can you tell I grew up in the South?). It was a little humbling to realize I made it not only all 4 years of high school without ever seriously dating someone, but also all 4 years of college.

After college I went straight into graduate school. I quit dating. I focused on my studies and on blogging. I started this blog only a couple months after beginning my program, and those two years were an inspiring moment in my life. I didn’t need dating—I felt really fulfilled and very busy. Once life calmed down a little, after graduating and entering the work world, I decided to start online dating again. I work in a female-centric department, all my friends are girls, and I mostly talk to women all day. The likelihood of meeting someone in person felt slim, so online I went again.

(in the prime of my blogging days)

Online dating has both changed and stayed the same. There are still a lot of weird messages and approaches, but I also found at 26/27 that the men who were messaging me mostly knew how to start a conversation. I still had a string of first dates, but the ones I went on weren’t horrible. In fact, some were enjoyable, just none that made me want a second date.

When I met M. online, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to meet him. He was 24, and I worried about him being younger than me. Once he found out that I was a writing teacher, he used overly formal language with me – super polite, but that also drew me to him. I liked that he wanted to impress me and that he was persistent but polite. It felt like I was “worth” chatting to and meeting.

When we met up, I was instantly attracted to him. He had a big smile, and he was easy to talk to. He seemed nervous, and I was too, so that was helpful. It was one of those dates that you’re a little sad when it had to end, which was a great sign. In the beginning, we had a lot of excitement about getting to know one another. After Christmas, it was a little harder to keep up that excitement. We had both experienced some disappointment of things not panning out the way we wanted, and financial struggles kept us to only visiting one another at home. We got into a rut. I tried to talk about that rut and wanting to move forward, and we did some things toward that, such as me meeting his friends. I was also sick. Anemia plus some other things. It moved into a “friendly” relationship, and eventually it came to us talking and deciding we were better off as friends. I think I waited all that time for a reason. I’m happy that the first person I dated like this was M. because he was thoughtful, and he was kind. He respected me, and I respected him. I figured out a lot about myself in the process of dating him, which I want to share here:

1. I feared not knowing how to be in a relationship, and that fear wasn’t really needed. Having never been in a committed relationship before, I worried that I wouldn’t know how to be part of a relationship. I wasn’t used to talking to someone every day. I was very independent – most of my choices only have to involve Lola and myself. Would I be able to care about someone else? Would I be able to handle having someone as such a constant in my life? Would I be what they needed as a partner? Could I be supportive? Yes. Yes. Yes. I could! The thing is that when you really like someone, you want to talk to them often. You look forward to hearing from them. You’re honestly curious about their day. I worried it wouldn’t feel natural, but it did. I think in general it’s hard to tell what someone needs as support, even your friend, and as you become closer you just have to communicate to find out things. It doesn’t mean it’s perfect, but I know now that I can try my best to communicate issues and attempt to resolve them.

2. I have a very specific way of thinking about my fat body. It’s rooted in a history of experience and years of reading fat activist and body positive work. I didn’t show up one day with this view—it’s been developed and it’s nuanced. A new person in my life isn’t going to understand this fully right away. They probably don’t have the same knowledge that I have in regards to fat activism. M. had experienced body positivity, but a lot of his frame of reference was body acceptance oriented rather than fat activist. A lot of it was from popular curvy models. Sometimes he would ask me questions that I thought were really off, and trying to explain it without coming off as insecure was hard. He didn’t know what would trigger me, and I had to think through those triggers and my responses. For example, early on he asked me how I got so fat. That probably sounds like a horrible question to ask for many women, but he knew the extent to which fatness was something I thought about and wrote about. I was put off by the question, so simply stated and so “cause” focused. It’s a weird question to be asked – how did your body come to be – when you’ve had 27 years in a body that’s complicated. I had learn how to navigate these moments when I thought he either asked a question that I found faulty in and of itself or talked about my body in ways I didn’t agree with (like assuming that people looked down on me, etc.). I think it also reveals a lot of assumptions people hold about fat people. Individually, I had to figure out which assumptions I could challenge of his and be okay with him having held that assumption in the past. People don’t exist in a vacuum. Anyone I date will have heard non-ending messages about fat people. This is something I know that I will have to navigate again, and I think I am capable of making good decisions about how to handle it.

3. I am not used to physical touch. While I learned to receive touch fairly quickly, it was much harder for me to give touch than I thought. I felt like a young, inexperienced person, and sometimes my insecurities of doing something wrong kept me from touching him. And when I talk about this, I mean resting my hand on his leg or holding his arm. This is something I will continue to work on. Intimacy can be hard, and even these little signs of affection can feel like hurdles (and small successes!) if you’re not used to them.

4. I have to date someone who is considerate of my space and what I need body-wise. I have definitely had numerous occasions where my body size or my abilities have shown to need accommodations and/ special considerations. I’m used to navigating this on my own, whether that’s getting the appropriate chair or kindly reminding someone that I cannot walk as fast as them. Because M. was very considerate about what I could or could not do, what I needed in a general situation, or at least not making me embarrassed about something (such as breathing hard after walking up a big hill at the zoo), I now know that this is something I need in my relationship. I do not want someone who makes me feel ashamed of these little differences, and it was reassuring to have someone else think through some of these things along with me. It makes a big difference to not have to constantly speak up for yourself, and instead have someone think a step ahead and make sure that this accommodation or body-thing didn’t become a “thing” interrupting our time together.

5. I am attractive to someone. I knew this, but I’m not sure that I thought it was possible to meet someone where there was mutual attraction. I mostly had dated guys who didn’t have a preference for big women, and dating someone who did definitely changed the way he approached my physical appearance. I want to be with someone who is attracted to me as I look at that moment – not a thinner me.

6. I am smart. I don’t fall into a bad process of needing a man’s attention for my worth. This was something my mom mentioned to me. She’s seen people before who don’t often date get completely caught up in someone that does give them attention. I think she had a little fear that my lack of experience would lead me to bad decisions or getting totally caught up in M. in an unhealthy way. Instead, my age and independence helped me better decide what was okay with me and what wasn’t. I never felt dependent on him, just affected by him. I knew when to end it because it naturally went there and was no longer the relationship we had wanted it to be.

I will go into the next relationship knowing that it does take work, but it is also really enjoyable. I felt a little sad going back to my world of 1, but I am hopeful that I will meet someone great in the future.

The past month of my life has been a whirlwind of activities. Between finishing up the semester, having a heap of grading to complete, attending a bunch of events, and trying to make time for sleep, I was exhausted and a little concerned about my long week of traveling. I was looking forward to these trips for awhile, but I hadn’t considered that I would have been so busy leading up to the trips. My apartment was a mess, I was having to stay up late at night to pack — yikes! Luckily, I did make it on the road, got through some storms on the way, and ended up having a good time.

First stop on my week of travels was Kentucky. My aunt lives there at a home school for the intellectually disabled. She’s lived there since before I was born, and I’ve visited her, I think, 4 times in the last 6 years for her school’s Family Weekend. I travelled with my sister and two aunts, and I knew it would be a mostly relaxed time. My aunt loves two of my favorite things: shopping and going out to eat–but maybe not exactly where I’d want to eat or go shopping. We had lunches at Frisch’s (a big boys diner type restaurant), and she tackled her long shopping list at Walmart. We also got a chance to hang out at her school, squeeze in a book fair, do some swinging, and see a talent show.

my aunts and sister

I got way too excited about this book fair. I LOVE book fairs, and I spent a good deal of time trying to look for odd shaped erasers that I would never actually use and other fun things.

I love this picture of my aunt swinging! The weather decided to be perfect for this one day of campus activities, which I was very thankful for. Warm with a breeze: I’ll take that any day.

I wanted to wear an outfit that was really, really easy. Black jeans+black top+kimono=easiest, most relaxed outfit possible. This outfit takes barely any thought, and yet I looked put together. Win!

ASOS kimono from last year, Torrid black jeggings

We headed home on a Saturday, and I had another whirlwind experience getting ready to go on trip number two. Visited my pup, cleaned out my car, laundry and packing, caught up on work, and errands. Woo! Again, I made it, and I honestly surprised myself with how much I could get done in such a small amount of time. For this trip I was heading to the beach for a few days with my sister and her husband.

The beach was kind of perfect. Not many people out there on the beach, and it was actually kind of cool. I was able to stay out sunbathing most of the day since it wasn’t too hot to do it. Note to self: May is a great time to head to the beach. Also note to self: Do not even attempt to take a “cute” selfie on the beach in the sun. It’s impossible.

For the most part, when I am at the beach, I am a beach bum. Not a lot of fashion is happening between sleeping in, sunning, and playing games of Mexican Train with the family. We did head out one night for dinner, so I slipped on an Old Navy top and my new ALDO purse.

I really like the print of this top with its small pops of yellow. Though it doesn’t photograph that well, I like that it fits closer to the body in the shoulders and bust but then is wider toward the hips. It also felt nice to put on a face of make up after keeping it so simple all week.

Old Navy Top (no longer available), Torrid Jeggings, ALDO purse

I headed home a few days later, finishing up Me Before You on audiobook on the way home. After I got home with my pup, I think we slept for about 12 hours straight. What a week, but a good one. I guess if there’s one thing that I’m okay being tired from, it’s traveling.